Notelife lock a note12/28/2022 ![]() ![]() It’s funny if you think about that question, what it is, like “why didn’t you do your work?” it’s a weird question to ask a kid. “Why didn’t you do it?” I didn’t have an answer. But the thing I hated the most was copying the words into the spelling notebook, and on that there was like no place to hide, you know? There’s this notebook and it’s supposed to have these words in it and when it doesn’t it’s like, you didn’t do it. ![]() A lot of times I would pretend I lost the paper or whatever, try to make it seem like I did the work but just couldn’t find it. I would go home and just try not to think about it, and then when the work was due I wouldn’t have it. It was torture to me.Īt no point did I make a decision to stop doing my work but it became something that, you know, I was avoidant. I couldn’t understand how all these other kids could do this stuff, just sit there and copy maps out of the Social Studies book. I don’t need to write a word a hundred times to learn to spell it. She would make us sit and copy maps, write words a hundred times to learn to spell them. I don’t want to say her name because I don’t want it to be like it’s her fault because that’s not the point, to blame anybody or whatever. Then in third grade at this new school I had a teacher who didn’t like me. I liked school, I was into it, I wanted to succeed, maybe I had some problems with my attention span or whatever but for the most part, I was good. They talked like maybe school was too easy for me or I was bored or something but I wasn’t bored. They knew I had problems, but even the problems it was like they were a sign that I was some kind of genius. They were talking like I would be a scientist, or like, a mathematician or something. At the old school I had felt like, a star really, teachers liked me, they thought I was going places, They would give me little gifts and things, you know, look out for me. I had just moved to a new house the year before and I was in a new school. The first time I remember thinking about killing myself I was eight years old. ![]()
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